Harder than Living
by AndiAi
Summary: It's four years later and Cloud is dealing with the stress of what happened, but for good reasons... Zack helps him through what seems impossible to get over in a short time..  Darker, Future lemon, Mentions of Rape. Easy as Brathing Seequel! ZXC
1. Chapter 1

Harder than Living

A:N/ Here it is people, the Sequel to Easy as Breathing! I worked on this chapter for a while, and this was the final product, this chapter is really dark, but I will put up warnings for what to expect. ANYWAY, I wasn't really planning on making this, but inspiration struck and I wrote, this of course is going to be multiple chapters, but my schedule had changed and I won't be able to update weekly like I used to. But I will try my hardest. And I will try to keep a schedule on when I update, but this one is going to be longer than the last! This entire story is for someone who stuck with me all through the last one xXxTakaraxXx, this is for you!

Warnings:: super sad cloud, and mentions of rape.

Times had changed and things were easier than what they had been four years ago. It had been four years, and I was about to celebrate my twenty-first birthday. Zack and I were happier now, and things seemed to be going well. We were now engaged, and would be married in a few months; four years together and we were ready to take the next step.

I lay in the bed with his arms encircling me, and his sweet musky sent invading my senses. I smiled and dug my face into his chest, and took a deep breath of the smell that had me addicted. I felt his arms tighten around me signaling that he was awake. I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up to his lips, giving him a light peck, then smiling I backed myself away from his face, watching his brilliant violet eyes open. When his eyes were open I grinned, and he returned it with his silly grin that I had fallen in love with.

His smile still awed me with its brightness, and practically took my breath away. He tightened his grip a little more, and put his face in my hair. I smiled put my face against his chest, I could lay like this for eternity never moving. But even the best things had to come to an end. I sighed when his arms unwrapped from around me, telling me he had to get up. I took my hands from around his neck, and got up from the bed, pouting slightly. But of course that was ended when I felt him lift me up and put me over his shoulder, lugging me to the bathroom with him.

"Zack, put me down right now, this isn't funny!" I yelled at him kicking and pounding at his back.

"Aww, Cloudy Boy here is trying to struggle when he knows his puppy is so much stronger than him." He said calmly, but teasingly. I sighed in defeat, knowing he was not going to put me down anytime soon.

When we reached the destination of the bathroom, he put me down, and I glared at him and childishly stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed and turned on the shower, I still stood there with my arms crossed, until I saw steam billowing out from the tub, signifying that the water was now warm.

I sighed and began to undress, blushing slightly at Zack staring at me. Even after four years I was still embarrassed to be nude in front of him, it's kind of childish, and I know that, but still I was always modest.

After our shower we raced down the stairs to answer the door, it was a exactly four years since I had become emancipated, so Tifa and Barret, who were now married, were coming to celebrate with us. I sighed mentally; four years… it had really been that long. I hadn't really changed all that much, I was still the insecure person I had always been… but Zack, he had changed, he had grown up so much over the last four years, even though he was still as playful, he had become more serious about life. He said it was because losing me, even for a few months had put things into perspective for him.

It had for me as well, but that did nothing to even breach my insecurities, it had nothing to do with them. That was something that would have to be worked with. "Hey Dad and Rikku how are you!" Rikku was now 14, and acted a lot like Zack, the excitable puppy. But we haven't figured out a nickname for her quite yet.

"Cloud and, Zack!" she said and lunged at me knocking me to the floor, both of us laughing.

"You aren't as little as you used to be, and your speech improves more and more each day." Four years ago Rikku had a speech impediment that had been with her, her entire life but after I had left it mysteriously vanished. It was a miracle I must say, but even now she needs speech therapy so she can keep her normal tone.

"Why thank you!" she said happily. My father looked at me smiling, she saw me every day, but she still was not used to the fact that I didn't live with her anymore, my father said that she was afraid I was going to leave again, like I did four years ago. he always reassure her that I would never leave of my own accord, and that if I did, Zack would hunt me down and bring me back in ropes and chains if needed. But I don't think that I could ever leave, I don't have the strength.

So the morning went on with conversations of how her schooling was doing, and how many friends she had, and even about her boyfriend Tidus. I was a little surprised that she had a boyfriend at such a young age, especially one that was two years older than her, but then again Zack was three years older than me, so I couldn't say much about age. When Tifa and Barret finally arrived the conversation really started, the same conversation as every year. And this conversation always seemed to drift back to my mother's death. See just last year they learned that the woman didn't cause the accident, it was her ex-boyfriend who was the truck driver.

He was mad because she had broken up with him so he decided that when he saw her on the road and he was in his truck he would take care of her, which in a way I was happy about, but mad at the same time. I was happy because she was out of my hair, but I was mad because she was murdered. I would have been just fine with the whole she was mad, so she decided to ram headfirst into the truck thing, which would be considered a freak accident. But murder was something that was not to be taken lightly.

Her ex-boyfriend was the same guy that she had been dating when I was trapped in Midgar with her, I now live in Traverse Town it was a better type of place to live, and I had once lived in Niebleheim which was a smaller type of town. But here it is so much easier to find jobs, and getting into Traverse University, for me, was a breeze. Of course I did have a final G.P.A of 3.879 but I worked for it. I worked for everything that I have right now. I had to fight to keep Zack as mine, thanks to my mother. Still I know nothing about her, except that she was a bitch when she wanted to be. And she was a bitch when it came to Zack and I being together… She tried damn near everything to keep us apart, even went as far as trying to separate us, and when I had to live with her, all she did was put him down, and when I finally had enough and told her off, she slapped me.

That was the day I finally went and got emancipated, I had been threatening it for a while, and I was going to wait until my seventeenth birthday, but she had drew the last straw, and I was done with her. I sighed aloud when I realized the course of our conversation was going, and excused myself to the restroom until that portion ended. My dad gave me a funny look, and then nodded knowingly, he knew that I didn't like to talk of anything that had to do with my mom, and I always avoided questions that had to do with her. So this year I mustered the courage to lie to everyone, and went to wait out that portion of the conversation, soon enough Zack had come to get me.

I guess he knew what I was doing to; he didn't like how easy I was disturbed when it came to my mother. But he still didn't know everything that went on in the few short months while I was there, there was a reason I kept myself locked in my room all the time. Reasons that were too dark to go too deeply into, things that I still didn't even want to dwell over that I just wanted to all be a terrible nightmare. But I knew in reality that wasn't going to happen, I knew that I would eventually have to tell Zack, and even my father what went on. My mother didn't even know some of the stuff that went on. I shivered, slightly, even in Zack's arms that brought chills that ran down my spine. He gave me a worried look, and I just shrugged it off, I wasn't going to9 tell him while everyone is here, I don't want to be the pity party, everyone circling around me with worried expressions on their face, I didn't like the fact that Zack would give me one, when I would suddenly just freeze up and drop a plate, or something.

I always just told him some excuse, like it slipped, or I dropped it. But in reality, it was memories haunting me, to no end, just torturing me. Sometimes I found myself waking in a cold sweat with tears running down my face, my throat hurting and Zack would have to calm me, down. It was always a different dream, featuring the same person, and it always turned out the same way, as it had in reality. But Zack had always been there through all of this, in the beginning it was so much harder, but he seemed to soothe things. Life was moving on, and I was slowly picking up the pace and moving with it. I didn't have to be scared anymore, because I knew that when I was with Zack I was safe.

That was something that I knew, he wouldn't ever let anyone hurt his Chocobo, which was why I was so afraid to tell him what went on. I tried to keep him out of the loop on that, so he wouldn't freak out on me. I didn't want to be under a constant watch by him, over something that happened a long time ago. Which I knew he would, he already has a watch on me, because of the nightmares, and I didn't want to have him make me go to counseling, even though that would probably help me, but I doubt they would let me have Zack in there with me, and he always kept me calm.

._._._.

IT was nighttime and everyone had left, everyone was in a good mood, well with the exception of me. I had waited until everyone left, and sat on my couch with tears streaming down my face. Zack was of course right there comforting and consoling me, well doing his best anyway. He had no clue as to why I was crying in the first place, yes I would have to tell him, and it would have to be soon. It was probably driving him crazy on the inside. So I decided to tell him what happened while he wasn't there.

"Zack, I need to tell you something…" I said through my sobs.

"What is it?" He said soothingly.

"It's about why I'm crying and why I always avoid questions about the time I was in Midgar." I said and he gave me a look.

"Okay, what is it Cloudy?" He said in a serious, but soothing tone.

"Well, you know my mom's boyfriend the one you almost got into a fight with?" I asked, he nodded, so I went on. "Well, he was out the house even while my mom wasn't, except for on the few days when he would have to go to work. Zack, he knew that I was gay." I said, looking down, the tears that were already falling at a pretty steady pace, and they began falling harder. I took a deep breath and continued, "Zack, the reason I was so eager to sleep with you on your first day there, was because he… he raped me." And with that I lost all control, my sobs raked through my body even harder.

"I knew something was wrong, I knew you avoided the questions too much. But I never knew why. I had always thought you didn't want to dwell on the past, but you did dwell, you had nightmares, and you always froze up. I noticed things that probably even you didn't notice, like how you suddenly stopped wearing your old clothes, and how you went out and bought a whole new wardrobe." He was babbling, I could tell he was crying, and his grip around me tightened, like he was never going to let me go again.

This why, why things had been so hard... And the past itself was harder than living.

A:N/ okay this chapter made me want to cry all the way through it. but of course things will get better, I just needed a thing that would set back happiness until it was resolved, I read over easy as breathing, and I noticed how I didn't dwell over his time in Midgar and I thought maybe in this one I could tell you some on what happened, so you didn't wonder of course. Anyway, Review! And flames well let's just say that I will warm myself up with them. AND constructive criticism is something I need, so please feel free to leave some, but no flaming.


	2. Chapter 2

A:N/ This is chapter two of Harder than Living! This chapter will be focusing on Cloud's depression over what happened four years ago thanks to his mom's ex-boyfriend Hojo! Oh yes I Used HOJO for this specific role of the rapist and murderer.

Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own Final Fantasy VII or any of the characters mentioned in this story. I just own the plot and the OC's!

Warnings: Mentions of rape, character death and super depressed Coud!

Chapter 2: Breathing in air, breathing out ice.

ZACK'S POV

My heart felt as though it was being ripped to shreds, ever since cloud had come out and told me Hojo had done that to him, he seemed to be growing more and more depressed with each passing moment. There were times before when he would have those days that were bad, but now it was a month later and he had been like this ever since that day. A month of seeing him with his arms wrapped around his knees, and his face covered in tears. There were days when he didn't even want to get out of bed, and to be quite honest I was terrified that I was going to lose my little Chocobo to this depression.

I have done everything in my power to try and make him, well him again. But nothing ever seems to work, all he wants to do anymore is lie in bed and sleep all day, or just lay there awake, seeming how he can't sleep without waking up screaming from the nightmares that he has when he just closes his eyes. I have done everything I can do so I decided to get professional help; I decided to get him into a therapist. I have the right to do so now, since I'm his husband.

-The Next Day-

"Cloud, you have to get up, you have a very important doctor's appointment today love." I said loudly, I had been trying to get him up for the last hour and nothing seemed to be working at all, he didn't respond to anything I had tried so far, so I was down to my last resort, I took and put a single piece of ice in a cup and filled it with water and waited for the ice to melt before taking it into the room and dumping it on him. His reaction was priceless; he jumped nearly ten feet and hopped off the bed slumping to the floor and giving me a death glare before stripping down to nothing.

His body had changed so much in the last month, it was a lot paler and he was thinner from barely eating anymore. This was why I had begun to get so worried about him, not to mention the fact that I had to hide all the sharp objects from him, I noticed deep cuts on his wrists and had a breakdown of my own. That was when I had decided to call the therapist. I realized that this was too much for me to handle on my own.

Hopefully this will work, for his sake, and for mine.

Cloud's POV

I don't know why I am so depressed all of the sudden, it just happened and it was hurting me and Zack. Zack was going crazy trying to get me out of this slump, but all I can do is sit there and stare, no matter how hard I try I can't get myself to be healthy again. I remember this is how it was in Midgar for me up until Zack came, the two weeks that I was away from him I didn't even want to leave the room. But when he came it was like a weight that was the same as the world was lifted from me.

-At the counselor-

I stood in front of the building that Zack had brought me to. All I could think was "Zack must really feel hopeless right now." It was a dreary little rundown brick building that needed some remodeling done on the outside. The bricks were chipping in random places and some of had even completely fallen out. I sighed stepping into the building and sighed at the cheesy décor. It was so cliché I almost laughed. The whole waiting room was a bright white, with green curtains at the windows, and chairs lined against the walls with side tables with old magazines and children's books.

At that moment something inside me told me to run the opposite way. But for Zack's sake, and my own I planted my resolve and took another step forward. How bad had these past two months been exactly? I looked at the now healing cuts on my wrist at my fetal attempts of suicide, and my way of taking out some of the anger. Apparently it had been pretty bad. I cringed at the thought of Zack hurting because of me, my husband. I felt guilty for doing this to him, but except for him I had nothing left to hold onto. My life had been stolen from me, along with the light that was always there. The only glimmer of any light that I had ever had was when I looked at Zack, and even that light was starting to die out. Not that I had lost any feelings for Zack, I just felt as though all of my silver linings were fading.

Four years earlier…

_My life is nothing… I thought gloomy to myself. This is basically what he told me. He told me I was nothing, that I was his bitch. I had given up on all hope at that point. That day when Zack had shown up, I thought that it was him. I could feel that it was another bad day for him, and when I heard the pounding on the door I got a twisting in my stomach and took my time getting to the door. _

_ "Yeah, Yeah I'm coming." I mumbled mostly to myself. I got to the door and built the courage before finally opening the door. When I saw it was Zack, my whole world lifted. My depression had disappeared so fast. I was happy again, and that was when I had finally started researching the emancipation process. _

I stepped into the office where a desk and a chair stood. And awaiting me behind the desk was a red headed man with fierce green eyes. He smiled almost cockily and gestured to the empty chair opposite of the desk. I sighed and slowly made my way to the chair ever so slowly.

"Hello my name is Reno Mira. I will be your counselor for the next few months."

A/N: HAHA! And here is Chapter 2! I am so happy that everyone waited ever so patiently for this chapter, there has been a lot going on in the writing of my stories. BUT I will be trying to update much more often on this. This was a PAIN IN THE ASS writing. I wanted to cry throughout it so…. No flames please? Constructive criticism is welcome. =1


End file.
